Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
