Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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