This is not my ceiling
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
