you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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