Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's great music for shaving your balls
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
