K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
