census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
