Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
