Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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