My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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