just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Let's get the cat blown out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize