Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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