I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
