First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
