She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
smell my finger.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize