ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
