Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
