you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
