would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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