Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
