I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I lost the right to judge tonight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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