Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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