C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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