The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
