Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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