so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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