Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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