How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
