So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
