I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
