I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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