I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
