why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
