my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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