So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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