Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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