every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
