Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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