i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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