You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
