I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i would punch a child for taco bell
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
