i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
