we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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