i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
