Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
