Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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