you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
