I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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