Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
