we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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