That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
