Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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