u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
high people should be assigned attendants
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
