I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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