so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
