but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
