His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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