I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Houston, we have a squirter
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
