there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
