wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
