You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
