Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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