Four minutes until I can fart!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
