Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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