can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
