You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
