His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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