Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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