if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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