and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
