oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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