I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
