i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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